I was terrified of slipping right back into the same routine I just escaped. I pushed you away and found distractions in empty interactions. Any time I felt you looking in, making some real connection, I would immediately run in the other direction. Not only metaphorically, but literally. So many drunken talks got too deep and I’d just flee saying “I have to pee.” I would run straight into the lips of another credulous boy, leaving you just close enough to see. I didn’t get into this with the intentions of hurting you and I wasn’t trying to test your limits. I’m sorry I never lied, it would’ve been easier that way. I’m sorry I let you see what has hurt me the most, I’m sorry that you fell in love with me.